seattleThis week I’m highlighting a passage from one of my all time favorite books.  If you haven’t been introduced to this book or taken the time to pick up a copy before, let this be your tap on the shoulder.  You won’t be disappointed.  This week’s pick is FREAK SHOW by James St. James.

freak-show

Here is the book description:

Billy Bloom is gay, but it’s mostly theoretical, as he hasn’t had much experience. When he has to move to Florida, he can’t believe his bad luck. His new school is a mix of Bible Belles, Aberzombies, and Football Heroes, none of which are exactly his type. Billy’s efforts to fit in and stand out at the same time are both hilarious and heartrending. In this novel from adult author and media personality James St. James, readers are in for a wild ride as he tells Billy’s fascinating story of bravado, pain, and unexpected love, inspired by his own experiences.

Here is my “Say It Again” Saturday passage: 

GETTING DRESSED FOR THE BIG DAY

Although my sexuality is still largely theoretical at this point, I hope that I don’t actually LOOK gay – you know, all pursed and twittery with big, bulgy, “gay” eyes.  It’s a new school after all.  I need to test the waters first before I break out the tiara and leg warmers.  I’ve given this a lot of thought, as you can imagine.

OKAY, HERE IT IS.  MY OUTFIT:

Don’t worry.

It’s totally masculine.

Swarthy, even.

Nobody will suspect a thing.

I’m going with a whole retro-new wave/Vivienne Westwood/pirate look.  Fab, right?  What’s straighter than a pirate?  Ruffled lace shirt, unbuttoned down to THERE.  High-waisted blue pants, practically sprayed on.  Nothing gay about that, right?  Only rednecks and Eurotrash dare to wear pants that tight and vulgar.

     A thrift store military jacket in Prussianblue, a crimson sash, some rags tied in my hair…

Then what?  Pearls?

Eye patch?

Cap’n Crunch hat?

Trusty sword?

Gold teeth?

No, no, no.  It’s all too much.  Well, maybe one gold tooth.  So, I guess you’d say I was doing more of a “post-pirate” look.  I’m a pirate who’s getting out of the life.  But slowly, you know.  I’m lubbin’ the land but missing my parrot.  Yarg.

MY FACE: I’m going for that “no-makeup look” that straight boys do.  The idea, see, is to look “rested” instead of painted.  I KNOW.  What’s the purpose?  But this is not an Adam Ant-Johnny Depp pirate.  This is a farmer-friendly pirate.

     So, no purple blush and just the remnants of mascara.  And that’s it.  Okay, and maybe just a whisper of Soiled Oatmeal eye shadow (NOBODY WILL EVEN NOTICE) and possibly a little glop of gloss.  Not even a glop.  More like a glip (Wet ‘N Wild Sheer Puppy Snot).

     DONE!  PERFECT!

I want the look to say: I’m not gay; I just flew in from Williamsburg.  Where I had sex with girls!  Many of them!  The kind of boobs!  So please don’t punch me!

That’s what I’m going for, anyway. (pages 11 – 12)

You will fall in love with Billy Bloom. 

Amazon is running a sale right now.  The hardcover is being offered for $5.99.  What better time to buy a copy?  Click on the link below to get to the Amazon page.

Freak Show

Click on Mister Linky to link to your “Say It Again” Saturday post.

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